Building Emotional Resilience Together
Five DBT Skills Families Can Practice Together to Build Emotional Resilience
By: Laurissa Hartnett, LMSW
Imagine this: two siblings are arguing over a toy in the backseat of the car and within minutes everyone’s yelling. Or perhaps your child comes home from school, overwhelmed by a tough day, and they retreat into their phone and you’re not sure how to help. As a parent, it’s easy to become overwhelmed and feel like emotions are taking over before anyone has a chance to respond calmly.
You might be happy to learn that there’s hope; emotional skills aren’t something we are simply born with- they’re learned behaviors, practiced and strengthened over time through repetition and consistency. One evidence-based approach that can help is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), a collection of practical skills designed to improve emotional regulation, communication and resilience. While comprehensive therapeutic DBT plans are used exclusively in therapy, families don’t need to be in counseling to benefit from learning just the skills component taught in traditional DBT settings.
So, why practice DBT skills as a family? Because learning these skills together creates a shared emotional language that makes it easier to understand and support one another. According to one study from Smith et al, “Families are known to play a critical role in supporting the development of functional emotional regulation strategies,” (Smith et al, 2023.) meaning that children benefit from seeing adults’ model healthy coping strategies, and parents gain tools for responding thoughtfully during stressful moments. Practicing DBT as a family can help
- Improve communication and reduce conflict
- Build resilience during challenging situations
- Encourage healthy emotional expression
- Reinforce skills children may already be learning in counseling or at school
The theoretical foundations of DBT highlight the importance of targeting the relationships between the individual and the significant people in their environment, recognizing the influence these relationships have on emotional regulation and behavior. Here are five simple DBT skills your family can begin practicing today.
1. Mindfulness: Being present together.
Mindfulness means paying attention to the present moment you are in, without judging the moment. When families practice being fully present, they’re often better able to listen, stay calm, and connect with one another. Here are some easy activities to try; Learn a breathing technique like Box Breathing and spend five minutes practicing together. Take a mindful walk outside and notice the sights, sounds and scenery around you. Enjoy one screen-free family meal each day and make it a point to keep the screens away. Implement a grounding technique and identify out loud five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can feel, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste. It’s important to remember the goal is not to feel judgment or pressure, just relax and go with the flow of the moment.
2. Emotion Regulation: Naming and understanding feelings.
Emotional regulation begins with recognizing feelings before they become overwhelming. Teaching yourself and your children that emotions are information – and not problems to avoid- helps them develop confidence and sense of trust in themselves to manage difficult moments. What that looks like in real life could be something like a simple conversation starter like “What did you notice today that you usually miss?” Have daily “feelings check-ins” and ask questions about their day. Other helpful ideas include using an emotions chart to help younger children identify what they’re experiencing. Ask family members to share their “highs” and “lows” during a dinner and talk about what helped improve each person’s mood throughout the day. Something to remember is that parents can model emotional awareness by saying their feelings out loud, like “I’m feeling frustrated,” because children learn powerful lessons when they see adults model regulated emotions in healthy ways.
3. Distress Tolerance: Getting through tough moments together.
Distress tolerance focuses on coping through difficult emotions without making the situation worse. Rather than reactive impulsively, family members can learn healthier ways to navigate stress. Remind children to pause before reacting, using a tool like counting to five before responding or taking a few short breaths instead of answering immediately. Model and teach them that it’s ok to ask for help, as repetition builds simple habits but also resilience over time. Try creating a family “Calm Down Kit” filled with comforting items all in one place such as; stress balls or fidgets, coloring supplies and coloring books for all ages, journals, or you can even keep a “Cool Down” play list handy. Humming or singing activates the Vagus nerve, (part of your parasympathetic nervous system,) to reduce heart rate and help control moods.
4. Interpersonal Effectiveness: Strengthening Communication
Healthy relationships depend on communicating needs respectfully while listening to others with empathy. This DBT skill helps reduce misunderstandings and encourages collaborative problem- solving. For example, instead of saying “You never listen,” try saying “I feel frustrated when I’m interrupted because I want to finish my thought.” Focusing on your own feelings rather than assigning blame can help lead to more productive or effective conversations. Here are some ways you can practice together; take turns speaking without interrupting each other. Use active listening and reflective statements. Ask for what you need respectfully and replace blame with “I” statements.
5. Validation: Helping everyone feel seen and heard
Validation means acknowledging another person’s feelings, even if you don’t agree with their behavior or perspective on something. When a person feels understood it often helps them to calm down and become more open to listening or problem solving. Instead of saying “You’re overreacting” try saying something like “I can see why this is upsetting for you.” Validation is an incredibly simple, powerful and useful tool in communicating both words and emotions effectively. Before offering advice to someone, respond by gently acknowledging what you heard them say. Feeling heard is often the first step towards feeling better for many people.
Building emotional resilience doesn’t require dramatic life changes. Small, consistent habits incorporated into daily life can make the biggest difference. It’s not built overnight and develops through patient and practice every day. Try focusing on one skill at a time, keeping your expectations realistic by celebrating progress rather than perfection. If possible try to practice during calm situations too, and remember to keep any activities fun but appropriate for your children’s ages. If you liked these skills, remember you can always further enhance these resources by speaking with a qualified mental health professional for more guidance and information.
Laurissa Hartnett is an LMSW entering her second year at Tempo Group. She earned her Master of Social Work from Stony Brook University, where she specialized in families, youth, and transitions, and also holds a bachelor’s degree in English Literature from the same institution. Laurissa began her career working in a private DBT clinic and later, high school; experiences that strengthened her passion for supporting children and adolescents. She is especially interested in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and enjoys exploring practical ways to integrate DBT skills into everyday life to help young people build resilience and thrive. Compassionate and empathetic, Laurissa brings a trauma-informed approach to every client she works with, fostering a safe, supportive environment where clients feel heard, understood, and empowered in their growth.
References
Mazza, J. J., Dexter-Mazza, E. T., Miller, A. L., Rathus, J. H., & Murphy, H. E. (2016). DBT skills in schools : skills training for emotional problem solving for adolescents (DBT STEPS-A). The Guilford Press.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy. (2022). DBT : Dialectical behavior therapy – skills, worksheets, & videos. DBT: Dialectical Behavior Therapy. https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/
Smith, L., Hunt, K., Parker, S., Camp, J., Stewart, C., & Morris, A. (2023). Parent and Carer Skills Groups in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy for High-Risk Adolescents with Severe Emotion Dysregulation: A Mixed-Methods Evaluation of Participants’ Outcomes and Experiences. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 20(14), 6334. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph20146334